He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
