I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
