I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
