i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
