When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
