My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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