i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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