She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
