You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
