Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
