Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
