I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
