He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
