i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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