Kiss
Puke
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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