You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
