I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
not ubering you a puppy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
