I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my liver is dry heaving
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
