This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
