I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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