You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
