i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
