yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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