I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
