i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
