i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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