Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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