we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
