Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
