I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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