She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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