he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just pee around me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
