need another drink. this is the easiest way
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
