I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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