i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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