when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
