Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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