I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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