I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I did not marry a roomba.
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