Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
