You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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