Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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