Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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