I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
