Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
