the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
