yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
