If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
