you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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