I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
