wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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