Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
bring money and cleavage
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
