if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
