I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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