I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
