We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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