im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
