some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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